Having a lucrative career is very important, making money is SERIOUSLY IMPORTANT, but having plans for the future, maritally, is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY!

IF you truly want to get married, you are in a relationship, or you desire to be in a relationship; check yourself:
1. Are you approachable?
2. Are you flexible?
3. Are you reliable?
4. Are you lovable?

1. BEING APPROACHABLE
How “easy to talk to” are you? Can people be comfortable around you?
Everybody can’t talk to you, of course, you have a standard, but you should know that if you really have marriage in view, you should not build impenetrable walls around you. Attraction can happen anytime, it can happen from any distance; but for love to develop, you must be approachable.
You should start breaking down some unnecessary walls around you, for easier access.

2. BEING FLEXIBLE
How flexible are you? Being flexible is romantic, in case you did not know.
You shouldn’t always want it your way; because, sincerely, you can’t always have it your way. There are times you would need to compromise for peace to reign, or to make your friend/partner happy. Learn to be flexible.
I never said you should stop being yourself, but do not be rigid!
The world itself is flexible.

3. BEING RELIABLE
This is being able to be trusted. You are ready to get married, yes, you are in a relationship, but your partner can’t really rely on you.
Trust issues here and there, you don’t keep your promises, your words can’t be taken seriously, you can’t even trust yourself, because you can just mess up before you realize.
Why would she say yes to a person like this?
Why would he want to propose to this kind of person?

4. BEING LOVABLE
Now go to the mirror, check yourself, and tell yourself the truth; do you love yourself? This is not about LOVE ME THE WAY I AM.
Be sincere, would you want to be with YOURSELF, if you were another person seeing YOU from a distance?
Forget money for a moment, everybody is beautifully created, don’t carry yourself as though your condition is the worst.
Carry yourself well, take good care of yourself according to your ability, carry yourself with confidence and be happy!

Happiness is free, taking care of oneself is affordable, everyone can afford it.

A sweet and healthy relationship awaits you, and I am sure you will look good in a happy marriage.

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You did nothing wrong for not loving them back. It is just unfortunate, but it is not your fault; that’s life for you.

You are only wrong if you knowingly lead a person on, when you know you have no feelings for them.

So, stop being too sweet to a person that you make them start having ideas.

There should be a limit to your “sweetness”; endeavour to improve/work on your emotional intelligence…and actually, use your common sense!

You don’t have to explain why you don’t love a person back, you don’t have to explain why you don’t feel anything for a person; it is unnecessary!

Not everyone can continue being friends with you when you tell them you don’t feel anything for them. In fact, very few can continue being your friend for real.

They are not fools and it doesn’t mean they have any ulterior motive; but it is extremely rare.

If a person stops being friends with you because you don’t reciprocate their feelings for you, let them be; that is the only way some people can heal and move on.

They don’t need to explain their decision to you; you’re not entitled to any explanation from them.

Don’t love out of pity; if you do, you’d eventually be pitied.

That is pure pity and not love.

It is very dangerous!

If A doesn’t love B the way B loves A, it is unwise for A to want to compensate B with a “pity love”. With time, A would eventually start being unable to continue pretending. The pity may (very likely) eventually become resentment, and the relationship would become toxic.

A person could like you very much, could love you deeply, but not attracted to you romantically.

Not every “love” is romantic love.

Also, when a person you trust with sensitive details about your life doesn’t (always) let you in on sensitive details about their life, it means they don’t regard you highly, they don’t trust you, and/or you are not as important to them as you thought.

Know your place, respect yourself, and move on with your life.

There are hundreds of millions of people who would make you feel special.

The post You Should Know These appeared first on Ny Eakin.

*If you want to be in a relationship with her, you let her know.
*If you like him, too, and agree to make the relationship happen; you let him know.
*When you propose, there must be complete communication (this is what every relationship needs).

You ask, she hears and understands, and then says yes – sending, receiving, feedback. This means, communication plays a great role in building a relationship.
Also, when you eventually get into the relationship/marriage;
*If the alarm is too loud, and disturbs you whenever it rings; let him know.
*If you don’t like too much pepper in your food, let her know.
*If you like black coffee, without cream, let me know.
*If I love the way you wake me every morning, I should let you know.

This means, (effective and complete) communication keeps a relationship going.

According to The New Lexicon Webster’s Dictionary of The English Language (Encyclopedic Edition), communication is a sending, giving or exchanging of information, ideas, etc.).
You give your thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc.
You express your feelings to a person, and the person RESPONDS (in words or actions) – that is communication!!

A complete communication happens when one sends, the other receives, and then gives feedback. THAT IS WHAT EVERY RELATIONSHIP NEEDS!

When you start feeling that your partner SHOULD know what you like, when you have not told him/her, you have not ensured CLARITY; you begin killing yourself slowly and silently, and you start damaging the relationship.

People (even identical twins) are different, and being compatible does not, cannot, and will never make you THE SAME. You have likes and dislikes, everyone has what they like and dislike, too.
Maybe you don’t like the way she does this, and you don’t like the way he does that…just TALK to her/him.
There is always room for adjustment, and you must adjust to accommodate your partner.
And to adjust, to accommodate your partner, you must let them know what you like, dislike, want, plan; and you must listen to theirs, too, if the relationship must work.

You need communication!!
You want to get married, but you are still procrastinating; please, go talk to her.
Let’s not stereotype this, go talk to him.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a lady asking a gentleman for a relationship or friendship.
Tell him you are interested or you are not interested.
Stop keeping her on hold; stop keeping him on hold.
Just so you know, he may start noticing one very beautiful sister out there already.
She could even be giving him attention and good vibes.
She might meet a prince charming that would sweep her off her feet, even sooner than you could think.
So, it would really hurt you to see someone you really care about being taken by another person right before you…because you failed to communicate your feelings and your plans to her.

If you are interested, let them know. If you are not, allow them to go somewhere else. Avoid unnecessary delay, feelings change.
Always remember that there is no healthy relationship (starting it and keeping it) without effective and complete communication.

Am I communicating?

The post Communication and Relationships appeared first on Ny Eakin.

* All men are liars.

* All men cheat.

* All men are manipulators.

* All men are the same.

Take note of men who claim:

* That women have nothing to offer (than sex).

Actually, sex is not offered; it is an act done by two people. Both “offers” themselves to each other.

* That women only care about your money (some of these men don’t even know how having money feels like).

* Or imply that women should be controlled like puppets or toys. i.e. always doing what men want them to do, without having their own say. It is never meant to be that way, it is wrong!

* That all women are the same.

NB: These are just few; there are other ridiculous and misleading opinions (I’m sure you can add more).

Do you all you can to avoid being involved (in a relationship) with these people; they are not ready to be in a healthy relationship. They have to work on themselves first; because if they don’t, people with good intentions would be hurt.

If you are like this, you need to be fixed, because you are not ready to be in a healthy relationship.

I hope you understand.

The post Read This and Take Note appeared first on Ny Eakin.

My attention, my focus, and my concentration is on one person – my partner.

I relate very well with everybody, but I am very emotionally sensitive.

Thank God for emotional intelligence; I politely set a boundary for people who seem to be getting too close to me, to ward off any possible “danger”.

All those constant and frequent calls, messages, chats, “checking on” people (you know what I mean na; yes, that checking on that fine girl or fine boy, that person you find attractive and valuable…ehen!), etc.

I’m not asking you to stop checking on people oh! But, use your emotional intelligence to know when it is not necessary and/or when it is going too far.

Sometimes people have an agenda, sometimes they don’t; it could start innocently and morph into something else.

Because, continually and persistently giving a person your attention and time would always lead to either or both of you being too comfortable that you start lowering your guard, become vulnerable, and boom! Feelings gradually start to creep in.

It is natural, you can’t always be too smart for it.

NOTE: If you are in a relationship or you are married, there should be no room for unnecessary constant and frequent checking on somebody else, unless your siblings, parents, and blood relatives (where necessary).

Channel that energy to your partner/spouse.

FOR EXAMPLE:

• He is offering you a ride, because he is a nice man who doesn’t want to see “a beautiful lady walking or standing in the scorching sun”

Tell him: “No, thank you!” If he insists, firmly tell him you’re not interested. Enjoy that sun, it is not forever. Trust me, there is a seed of interest in his heart. Unless he is somebody you and your husband know very well; your church member, colleague, husband’s friend, a friend, etc.

In this case, follow your intuition and be careful!

• She is making you uncomfortable (you know what I mean, she is very fine or seem to be your ideal spec or whatever you want to call it) and she seems to like you more than normal?

Politely compliment her, then clearly let her know that you belong to someone else.

• They are spending too much time with you in the office, church, etc. Always having things to say to make your time together fun and interesting…they seem to be having too much of your attention; please, tell them you don’t want it to continue. Be clear and firm, be sure of your decision, and let them know you are serious.

• He wants to take you out for lunch or dinner, even if it is breakfast, and you are married or in a relationship; my dear sister or hanty, please run! Say “no” politely but firmly.

They are even buying you flowers and sending you unusual gifts and you are smiling! Ah! Friendly text messages that make you smile, blush, and laugh out loud…it has happened! Of course x your partner/spouse does not know. You’re in an emotional affair and you’re cheating emotionally, already.

Oh, you did not know? Now you know.

• Then, those ones who think they must have everybody’s number. Please, don’t give them!

Don’t give your number(s) out or anything that can be used to contact you to a stranger or a random “nice/good man or woman”, especially when you’re in a romantic relationship or when you are married, please!

These are most common ones.

Do you understand? Are you sure you understand?

Okay, I hope you understand.

The post Understanding This Will Be Helpful in Your Relationship/Marriage appeared first on Ny Eakin.

Do not give up your life, future, or purpose for a relationship; if you are doing it rightly, the relationship and your life, future, or purpose would align perfectly…sooner or later.

You must be whole before sharing your wholeness with another person. If you share yourself with another person when you’re not whole, you’d end up losing yourself.

You must be accountable, responsible, and whole before going into a relationship.

I hope you understand.

The post Relationships Are Not Meant To Be Stressful appeared first on Ny Eakin.

It is more difficult to notice emotional affair when it starts, unless you’re very careful, extremely observant, an empath, emotionally intelligent, or told by an onlooker.

Unlike sexual affair, emotional affair is quite tricky; it starts as emotional connection.

Emotional connection is not a bad thing per se; but the timing, the circumstance, and the person involved matter. One of these determines whether it is right or wrong.

• You may not be cheating sexually, but actually cheating emotionally.

• You could be a virgin or celibate, and still be in an emotional affair.
Some people may think they are being nice, transparent, friendly, and polite to a person; when they are in a relationship already.
It may start innocently, but eventually morph into an emotional affair – and this always affects relationships; because it means one of the parties in the relationship is not emotionally available to the other person anymore.

• Unfortunately, a person in a relationship could be so naïve, unsuspecting, carried away, or comfortable that they fail to realize that they are emotionally attached to a person (they are not supposed to be attached to).

• If you are not careful, you could be so close to a person’s partner/spouse that they become emotionally connected with you.

Like I said earlier, it can be very tricky!
Please know that there is a difference between “being extremely careful” and “shutting people out”; the line is kind of slim.

A clue: Always read between the lines and be extremely careful WHEN you are already in a serious relationship.

NB: Understanding this has helped so many people in marriage and relationship from having (or falling into the temptation of having) emotional affairs outside their marriage and relationship.

Some temptations come directly, some come indirectly; some people come into your life innocently, some come with an agenda. But, you should not use one to judge the other; you could be very wrong.

Again, it is very tricky.

PS: Men are more prone to sexual affair, while women are more prone to emotional affair. This is not to justify or encourage cheating in any way.

The post Emotional Affair appeared first on Ny Eakin.

If you are of the mindset that you are incomplete or deficient without a relationship, you’d be too desperate to have one, because you would be too desperate for a partner – to complete you.

Also, this mentality would make you so emotionally vulnerable to your partner that your sense of reasoning would be clouded by your emotional attachment to them, and you would still not find completeness from the relationship; because you lack contentment, self-love, and wholeness.

A romantic relationship is only a relationship necessary to experience a certain kind of intimacy and bond with a person. At a point in life, everybody needs it, wants it, and is naturally supposed to have the experience. It is very necessary and important, but it does not mean you are not a complete person if you are not in one.

Would you miss out on some benefits? Yes!
Would not being in a relationship make you less of a person? No!
Would there be a certain feeling and level of achievement when you are in a relationship? Yes!
Would being in a relationship complete you as a person? No!

I hope you understand.

The post You Don’t Need a Relationship To Be Complete appeared first on Ny Eakin.

In fact, you’d be too delusional and selfish to think or believe that anybody at all would really want to or gladly wait for you forever.

They may wait for a very long time, but not forever.

If you are seeing the signs, the green lights, and even the confirmations, but still behaving as though you are the only one in the world; you’d wake up to the reality – they’d move on because you are not the only one in the world.

There are too many others who are readily available, perfectly suitable, naturally compatible, very irresistible, and divinely connectable, for and with that person you are ignoring, playing with, taking for granted, or giving a hard time.

If you are not interested in them, let them know in time!!

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For real, even in healthy relationships, true love is a lot!

Relationship/marriage is work!

I have seen my parents in their lowest, I have seen them in their weakest, I have seen them in their most vulnerable state, I have seen when it is obvious that they only have God and their children, and I have seen them in very good times.

Sometimes things get so inundating that I break down and sometimes cry myself to sleep, because of how tough things are.

Sometimes things go very smoothly and well, so exciting, beautiful, lovely, and sweet that I wish these moments would last forever.

But you know life; it is full of ups and downs.

This is what “for better for worse” means; sadly, so many people are not truly ready for this!

So many people end relationships and marriages because they do not “feel that spark” or “excitement” again. Some say they “feel disconnected”.

The truth is, when you are in a relationship or marriage, you can’t feel the spark, excitement, or connection every single minute.

You are human beings, at times your moods or situations could make you numb to these feelings (of spark, excitement, and butterflies).

When you understand this, you’d know that having a partner who has your back, a partner who is always available and willing to support you, cheer you up, encourage you, advice you, show up for you, fight for you, someone who decides to stick with you no matter the situation, etc. is a priceless luxury, a huge blessing!
This is because, love, friendship, values, and purpose aside, relationship and marriage are really about willingness, decision, and commitment.

Do not build or settle down with anybody just because the future is bright.

Build/settle down with them because: your values and purposes align, you share basic similarities, you are compatible, because you love and respect each other enough to be willing to commit to each other; and (both of you) can handle your ‘ugly’ sides.
If these are not the reason you want to build with a person, do not build!

What if the future is not as you expected?

What happens when the struggle becomes tougher than you anticipated?

Have you decided to stay no matter what happens?

Are you willing to put in the required work to make your relationship work?

There will be ups and downs; you will not always feel ‘in love’.

Love would not always be rosy; love is a lot, love is responsibility, love is compromise, love is contentment, love is respect, love is adjustment, love is commitment, love is respect, love is a choice, love is accommodation, love is willingness, and love is a decision.

Love (alone) is never enough; every relationship needs more than love to be healthy.

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