A person can be friendly and not be a friend. An enemy can be friendly, too.
And, a person may not look like you would want to call a friend, but actually be a friend.
Remember, you shouldn’t judge a book by the cover.

The enemy of your enemy is not your friend, at least, in this context.
One doesn’t like the person you dislike (for reasons best known to you); that is not a problem, but, don’t forget that you are only co-enemies; it does not make you friends.

Your church members, classmates, colleagues, course mates, schoolmates, employees, employers, or roommates, are not necessarily or automatically your friends. The fact that they are friendly and cool with you doesn’t make them your friends; you are only acquaintances.

So, who is a friend?

1. A true friend would not befriend you for benefits, but having them is a benefit.

2. A true friend is someone you vibe with freely and genuinely.

3. A true friend understands you.

4. A true friend is someone who knows and accepts you for who you are.

5. A true friend is your number one critic, fan, and supporter; criticizes you, corrects you, helps you grow, believes in you, hypes you, would always vouch for you (where necessary); but tells you the truth, whether sweet or bitter.

6. A true friend is a person who covers you up in public, and points your mistakes out to you in secret.

7. A true friend doesn’t care whether you reach out first or not; they believe you would reach out if you could, and would not hold it against you.

8. A true friend would not hesitate to carefully step on your toes, with love, for the greater good.

9. A true friend would be annoying, and still looks out for your best interests.

10. A true friend would sacrifice (if necessary and possible) for love, without holding back.

11. A true friend tells you what it is, and how it is.

12. A true friend is an open book, they tell you their mind.

13. A true friend can change if seriously unappreciated and taken for granted, but could still come around if approached properly.

14. A true friend does not take advantage of your vulnerability.

NOTE: Things happen, people are different, people are not the same, people change and can become unpredictable.

A true friend is also a human being, he/she has emotions.

A true friend should be appreciated, treasured, and cherished.

You don’t need to be a true friend to everyone, it is impossible.

But, are you a true friend to anyone?

The post Who is a True Friend? appeared first on Ny Eakin.

Sometimes, they would laugh about it.

She said they would talk about how ladies in hip-hop usually have big buttucks and breasts, and how their appearance was part of their brands.

They didn’t take it seriously, they were “just observing and thinking out loud”, I presume; but they did not know what it did to her.

She took it very seriously, used to think deeply about it, and eventually decided to fix her body.

Please note: this didn’t make her hate them, but it made her to make a life-changing decision.

I am not saying she regrets what she did, neither am I saying she does not – I don’t know.

But I am pointing out the fact that our comments on people’s body can be very powerful that they get to them terribly.

Body shaming comes in different ways and styles; some of you still body shame, but you think it is funny or not a big deal.

It is a big deal!

Sometimes we body shame without realizing it.

Some comments about a person’s body could be inappropriate, while some are outrightly negative and derogatory.

Some people are very sensitive, some other people may take it more seriously than you think you know.

There are things you should never say to people; there are things that can’t be changed easily or at all.

Stop subtly telling people that they are too short, too fair, too fat, too tall, not dark, etc.

This messes with people’s self-esteem in different ways and degrees.

A person likes you, and you don’t like them back; but all you can say is: “You are too short for my liking.”

If you don’t like him the way he is, let him go; stop making him feel like he is not good enough.

If she is not the way you want your “ideal” woman or friend to be, move on without making feel bad about herself.

“You would be cuter if you were a bit shorter.”

“Your stomach is too big, as if you are always pregnant .”

“Your head is too big, don’t you eat well?”

“What kind of face is this, is this one a human being?”

And many others.

These and many other comments are very unnecessary and offensive.

Be empathetic and sensitive.

It is okay to describe a person as they are, it is okay to politely give advice or information that could help a person get better and healthy; but it is not okay to seriously, “jokingly”, or “playfully” make a negative, derogatory, or inappropriate remark about a person.

Sometimes we do these innocently, but they (these remarks) are dangerous to the person.

It always leaves an impression.

Even when a person tells you they are used to it, it is not cool!

We can do better.

I hope you understand.

The post Body Shaming appeared first on Ny Eakin.

1. If you are a person’s friend, let them know what is not “okay” about them (something they can change/work on).
If you are not able to talk about sensitive issues or have those difficult conversations with your friend (not acquaintance); you are not a true friend.

Be tactful and polite in conveying the message, but be totally truthful and sincere.

2. If you always have to remind a “friend” how to communicate with you, then they are not your friend.

If you are this person, then you are not a friend. It is that simple!

No hard feeling, but you have to let this “friend” be; let them go. It’s difficult to accept, but you’re not as important to them as you think.

You’re just not that person for them.

3. If you are poor at communicating, you’ll never have a healthy relationship.

If you can’t call, text, or express your feelings properly; learn it now!

You are not the calling type, yeah?

It means you are not ready for a real relationship.

Even if one person keeps on calling and texting, they’d get tired and leave for good.

The post Know These About Communication appeared first on Ny Eakin.

I know you know the popular adage about dressing the way you want to be addressed and the way you dress is the way you will be addressed; but does that justify sexual harassment? No, it does not!

A guy on twitter narrated how he went to a man’s office to present a business proposal, and was sexually harassed by the man. People quoted, retweeted, posted, reposted, and shared the tweet. A lot of people started asking whether this one too was about how he dressed. Especially, ladies in particular, who want to use this story to justify indecency and nudity.

Really?

No be new thing!

I want you to understand these:

• Women should dress decently and not provocatively; not just because you don’t want to seduce people or make people’s heads to swell, or mislead those ready to be misled; but because it is good to be decent.

You know what you wear, it is intentional, it is never a mistake.

• Men and boys should learn how to control themselves. See but don’t look! You won’t die.

There is no excuse to be a sexual harasser, and no justification for sexual harassment.

• Even if you wear a robe or gown and hijab (respect to Muslims), there will always be perverts, they will see the curves, the face, etc and their sick mind would always make them approach a lady inappropriately.

That’s because there are a lot of sexually sick people who need to be punished severely.

• There are a lot of people – pedophiles (hebophiles and ephebophiles), gay (homosexuals and lesbians), queer, straight (heterosexuals), etc. who make sexual advances to people…on daily basis.

They don’t write it on people’s faces. I had an ugly experience, too; a nice man…well, that’s for another day.

I personally know a guy who was sexually harassed by a “big man” few weeks ago.

• These things happen; men and (especially, women) have unpleasant sexual experiences everyday.

• Stop trying to justify or defend nudity and indecent/provocative dressing.

Yes, it really encourages sexual harassment, too; and you know!

• Everybody should get sense, be responsible, and decent in appearance and behaviour.

The whole thing is sickening!!

A thief breaks into a person’s well-secured house, so the other person keeps their own open because they claim it is not by the security or by properly locking the doors and gates of a house.

So, must you keep your own open for easier access?

Everybody is not a thief, but a thief would certainly visit that house that is always left open.

I hope you understand.

The post Sexual Harassment: Is it Really About the Victim’s Dressing? appeared first on Ny Eakin.

I do not say it out often, but deep down, I’d love it. I honestly love the way I treat people.

But, people will always be different! I’m sorry, but it is life.

We must not be friends, we must not know one another; but we should be respectful and humane to everybody will come in contact with.

You’ll meet people who seem not to deserve this treatment, in fact, you’ll meet people who clearly don’t deserve it; but you can be the better person…if you want to.

Being humane and respectful are in different forms, and there are contextual.

It is not compulsory, it is not an obligation, it is not their right to be treated that way, it is not (about) being a nice person; but it is (about) being a good person (with no strings attached).

I hope you understand.

The post Would You Love to Be Treated the Way You Treat People? appeared first on Ny Eakin.

Hiding your real age because you feel you are too old to be at the level you are (not yet made – you think you are yet to make it in life) is inferiority complex – low self-esteem.

If you want to overcome this, start by knowing that many, I mean, so many of “your mates” are dead and gone, but you are still alive; and because you are alive, there is hope to “make it” anytime – as long as you don’t give you and as long as you are doing the right thing(s).

Secondly, some of your “mates” will reach some heights before you, just like you will reach some heights before some of your “mates”.

Thirdly, nobody really gives a DANG (“damn” is a swear word and I don’t swear) about your age; stop trying to impress people unnecessarily.

In life, you are on your own; nobody actually cares about your age; that is your problem, sorry, business.

Life has principles. Are you following these principles? Okay, be smart and consistent.

Some things take time, in fact, success takes time.

Don’t just give up and your time will come; definitely, surely, certainly!

Our lives and timelines are different and unique.

Be proud of your little wins, they are what make up the bigger wins.

I hope you understand.

I care about you.

I am rooting for you.

I love you!

The post Own Your Age appeared first on Ny Eakin.

Please, learn to celebrate people for real, celebrate people sincerely; celebrate them because they deserve it.
Do not celebrate people just because you want to be celebrated in return.
Don’t celebrate people only because they are popular.
Don’t celebrate people because it seems every other person is celebrating them.
Don’t celebrate people only when they are dead, because somehow you don’t want to feel left out.
Don’t celebrate people because you were told that celebration follows those who celebrate other people.

Life does not work that way; if you do nothing worth celebrating, you will not be celebrated.
Celebrate people sincerely because you are convinced they deserve to be celebrated, and whether you celebrate them or not, you will be celebrated when you deserve to be celebrated.
But it is good to celebrate people, whether for their big wins or small wins.
Do to others what you want/expect (others) people to do to you.

The truth is, when you celebrate others, people will remember how you usually celebrate (others) people, and they will be even more motivated to celebrate your wins, too.
They will be genuinely happy for you (not everybody, though), but there will be more genuine ones than fake ones, this should not bother you at all.
That is why we are told that if we celebrate people, people will also celebrate us.

But actually, God also has ways of making the energy we purposely give out to come back to us. That is why we have the golden rule in Christianity, and karma in Buddhism and Hinduism.

I hope you understand.

The post Celebrating People appeared first on Ny Eakin.

Trust comes in different forms.

Trust is believing in God.

Trust is believing in yourself.

Trust is believing in a person.

Trust is vouching for someone.

Trust is opening up to a person; comfortably being vulnerable around them.

Trust is believing that a person would understand your perspective and handle the situation appropriately.

Trust is the assurance and conviction that a person cannot not come through (for you or any other person when needed/necessary).

Trust is telling me to do better because you believe in me or because you would support me as much as you can.

Trust is giving a person information that can make or destroy you, because someone has to know, and that can’t just be any random person.

Trust (self-trust)is knowing that you can be in a compromising place or with someone/people without being negatively influenced.

Trust is being certain that your parents, siblings, children, friends, or relatives can be mad at you and at the same time still love and care about you.

Trust is when someone is disappointed by your performance but still vouches for you because they know that there could be some factors that led to your failure/poor performance (even without you having to explain).

Trust is seeing your partner comfortable, laughing, and spending time and having fun with another person of the opposite gender, and still being certain that there is absolutely nothing concerning or funny going on between them.

Trust (trusting God) is surrendering everything to God, because you can’t do anything on your own without His help and grace.

Trust (self-trust/self-confidence) is being confident that you can’t fail, but even if you do, it would only be to learn, get better, become stronger, and become successful.

Trust is believing what a person tells you without going through the processes of confirming the information.

Trust is being confident that you’ll have your testimonies someday.

Trust is knowing that you will have a healthy relationship and marry right someday.

Trust is different to different people, it means different things to different people; it varies, and it is contextual.

What does trust mean to you?
According to Joyce Brothers; “The best proof of love is trust.”
She was right.
Without trust, a relationship (family, friendship, romantic, acquaintanceship) is on a shaky foundation.
How do you build trust?
By being consistently reliable and by having good and effective communication as much as necessary/possible.

I trust you understand.

Can you be trusted?

Do you trust anyone?

The post What is Trust? appeared first on Ny Eakin.

God created sexual intercourse to be enjoyed by qualified individuals (married couples; because they are qualified in every sense of the word), for pleasure, sexual tension release, and procreation. But the world (people) have abused it, and yet, the people that are supposed to address this issue are scared and embarrassed to do so.

You enjoy it in secret, but can’t address it in public.

How do you expect the younger generation to learn the right thing?

We are scared of preaching it in church, so that we would not be criticized or judged/condemned.

Most Christians/Christian leaders feel sex is somehow unholy, so it is inappropriate and carnal to talk about it in church; I mean gatherings where you only have adults.

God created sex intentionally, and saw that it is good.

People be like: “It is a private matter, so let’s just do it in secret and mind our business in public.”

It is disgusting to talk about.

Really?

Well, this is not like pooing, but still, pooing is a very important part/activity of human beings, higher and lower class animals, and life.

Even though everybody alive is automatically qualified to enjoy pooing, everybody is not automatically qualified to enjoy sex; because, mentally, physically, biologically, and socially, not everyone is automatically ready.

But, I am not here to condemn anybody’s decision to avoid talking about sex; I am simply trying to make us understand that the world is waiting to swallow the younger generation, people’s children and loved ones, who are clearly unable to resist the mind blowing attraction, enticement, fun, pleasure, and sweetness it sells out.

Even most of the adults can’t control themselves when it involves sex, so you can imagine how DIFFICULT and TEMPTING it is for teenagers and young adults.

Remember you have children, younger siblings, nephews, nieces, cousins, church members who are constantly and continuously presented and gifted sex in different colourful, but unfiltered and raw packages.

Do you not care for real?

Okay, let me give you some hints.

Is it until you see your daughter dancing or posing naked on social media?

Let me tell you this, you don’t have any right to judge anybody, especially, when you have never corrected, teach, or guide him/her.

Most women are now living with the faulty and demonic notion that no man can really resist a well presented vagina.

Others think no man is satisfied with one vagina.

So many others believe a man’s penis must be as big as yam before he would be able to satisfy her, thereby making many young men with low self-esteem to go any extent to increase their penis, just to impress a girl or lady and shift her womb, and would not still marry her.

Most of the sexually active women now want a man to be able to go ten rounds, and thirty minutes each round, before they are called “A MAN”; the foolish men now take all sorts of rubbish, some even destroying themselves in the process, just to perform all night.

Most men now lustfully crave big buttocks and big breasts so much that the women with low self-esteem have yielded to pressure by going as far as doing surgery and pumping their bodies, enjoying terrible procedures, just to look “hot” and “sexy” for the men, so that they would spend everything they have on them; the ladies would twerk for them, the men be allowed to look, touch, fondle, and then they have sex.

We live in a world where the sexual aggressiveness of men (it is natural) has been taken advantage of; men now pay to have sex with women, as if it is not being enjoyed or felt by both parties.

Why? It is because, a man gets easily turned on by what he sees in a woman; unlike a woman who is more complex, naturally.

So, to them, “giving” men sex is doing men a favour…which is wrong!

That’s why you hear things like he dumped me, after sleeping with me.”

Excuse me, didn’t you sleep with him too?

That is why women are those indulging in prostitution.

A man can be satisfied in 3 minutes, but a woman’s body takes time; that’s why they complain about 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, (keep counting) – minute men.

So, it is naturally easier to satisfy a man than to satisfy a woman.

Some browsers now promote pornography, you don’t have to subscribe for it, it just comes; unless you block them.

Sex now almost controls the world.

Now men sexualize women, even women sexualize themselves.

Most women now make sex seem like a price/reward for men.

Most men now hunt women for sex like it is a game.

So many women now do anything to have or maintain a “good dick”, and so many men desperately desire a “tight pussy”.

When you are always seen with a member of the opposite gender, you are expected to kpensh, knack, straph, do, have sex already.

Almost everybody now wants to “fuck”.

When you are 25 and still a virgin, you are seen as a fool.

When you abstain from sex, you are either scared of the consequences, not man enough, not woman enough, hiding a health problem, not really into a person, or having an affair with someone else (if in a relationship).

Sexual intercourse is now seen as a door opener.

Sex is now seen as a do or die activity.

Teenage girls are now allowing boys to use “just the tip” to deceive them, practice withdrawal method even with condoms, and using drinks and pills for effective and well trusted protection; so that their parents would not know or suspect how far they have gone.

You don’t have time for your teenage child(ren), in this generation?

Well done, sir/ma’am!

It is well with you!

You don’t want to talk to your children about sex, because you feel they are too good or can’t be influenced; well, it is good you trust them, but, truthfully speaking, if you don’t guide them, others will.

Others include their friends, mates, the internet, social media, uncensored articles, movies, books, apps, ads, etc.

When a child gets to secondary/high school, (primary schools are now coming up strongly) s(he) MUST be open to sex talks and discussions, either from an older student or his/her mates.

If care is not taken, that is where they get blown away, and want to try.

SO MANY lose their virginity, get introduced to masturbation (jerking off, rubbing their genitals on surfaces to give themselves pleasure, fondling their clitoris for intense pleasure, using anything big and penis-like that can penetrate the vagina, make use of dildos and vibrators as they get older) lesbianism and homosexuality, etc.

So, what can you do to help and guide the younger ones, the teenagers, and the young adults?

Do you still think it is unnecessary to talk about sex?

If you don’t have a child, niece, nephew, cousin, or any young person you care about now, you will certainly, most definitely have at least one tomorrow.

Would you still be quiet while she/he drowns and gets destroyed?

Well, I think this is enough for now.

I sincerely hope you got the message, and understand how serious this matter is.

Think about it!

The post Let’s Talk About Sex appeared first on Ny Eakin.

Filter them carefully.

Don’t be influenced negatively by people and society (including social media).

There are a lot of negative influencers out there.

Be very careful.

Don’t visit strangers (even if I ask you to meet me at a particular place, and you have not known me well, apart from Facebook/twitter/Instagram…and it is not a public place, don’t come).

Never make careless assumptions, it is a very dangerous thing to do.

Ask questions and be sure to pay attention to the response and answers given.

If it is not clear, ask for clarity, and look for answers from credible sources where necessary.

You don’t know everything, be open to new ideas and discoveries.

Be teachable.

Don’t settle for less, you can get better. There is always room and space for improvement.

This doesn’t mean you should not be content with what you have; it means you should not be too comfortable that you don’t want to move higher – mostly because going further is challenging.

You have what it takes to tackle the challenges along the way.

Don’t allow people’s opinions get to you, even your mistakes do not define you.

It is good to make mistakes, you learn from them.

But don’t deliberately be careless.

Don’t wait to have everything you think you need before starting an adventure/a journey/a project.

Learn to make use of what you have productively, it will help you get what you want and need in life.

Also, learn to improvise, it is a very important life-saving skill.

If you have to lie to get a thing, if it can’t be gotten without you compromising, no matter how good or important it seems to be; avoid it.

Because, when you start with a lie, you must sustain it with bigger lies.

You are unique, you are special, don’t let anyone make you think, feel, or believe you are not.

You can’t be like everyone else, and they can’t be like you.

You are different and special.

You have weaknesses and you have strengths, everyone does. But focus on developing, magnifying, and maximizing your strengths.

Work on your weaknesses, minimize, and package them.

By “package”, I mean make them less obvious.

Be kind, show love, help when you can, but where necessary.

Be good in your own way and capacity.

But do these wisely, and don’t do it because you are forced to, don’t do it because “nobody knows tomorrow”; do it because it the right thing to do.

Ask for help when you need it.

Don’t hesitate to apologise when you hurt/wrong anyone.

Don’t feel too big to be normal, obedient, or to learn…anybody can teach you something new (something you never knew).

Whenever you have a heated argument, don’t allow your emotions to take over.

If you can’t talk or comment without insulting, keep calm…then prove your point when you are calm.

You shouldn’t get involved in all arguments, some are not worth your time.

Treat time as “very important”, it can not be regained.

Always be grateful.

Always be polite.

Be transparent in all your dealings with people, especially, when it involves money.

Always say “thank you”, “please”, and “I’m sorry” whenever necessary.

Respect everybody.

Think more thank you talk.

Read good books, articles, write-ups, etc more often.

Engage experts, professionals, specialists, consultants, and scholars; ask them logical and technical questions.

It will broaden your understanding, and you will gain great knowledge.

You are a success.

See you at the top!

The post Dear You appeared first on Ny Eakin.